Controlling your emotions correctly and not getting nervous is much easier than it is customary to think about. Most often, the problem is not a person’s inability to control himself, but a banal misunderstanding of the essence of such a phenomenon as “feeling”, and the reasons why it is necessary to keep this feeling in check. Many of us are used to seeing emotions as an expression of our true “I”, not constrained by the framework of logic, morality, common sense, generally accepted rules and behaviors. It is no coincidence that a strong emotion is called a “cry of the soul”, contrasting it with the “voice of reason”.

Confrontation of reason and feelings is a romantic cliché, incompatible with real life. A mentally healthy person cannot and should not be at odds with himself.

In fact, the mind is as much a part of yourself as the feeling. To oppose them to each other, at least, is ridiculous. It’s like choosing between the speed pedal and the brake pedal: without the first car will not go, without the second – will not stop. To properly use the car, you need both pedals, and Woe to the driver who considers one of them more important than the other. On a similar principle, feelings conflict with the mind only in those people who do not know how to balance one another.

To learn how to manage your emotions and feelings, let’s debunk a few myths about the world of feelings, as well as get acquainted with some techniques of self-control and harmonization of the internal state from the Newmark Theater . Namely:

  • Don’t overestimate emotions.
  • Don’t suppress emotions.
  • Abstract.
  • Take a break.
  • To act on the opposite.
  • Relax.

Do not overestimate the importance of your emotions

Emotion – a chemical reaction of the body that occurs in response to an external stimulus, part of the signal system, allowing us to better navigate the outside world. A person devoid of emotions would be equally indifferent to everything around him and would simply be confused in the thousands of phenomena surrounding him. Emotional reactions primarily inform us about priorities, danger and importance, encourage us to act, warn us, encourage us, etc.

A bright emotion is akin to a reflex, thanks to which you will jump back if you are strongly frightened. However, no one has ever occurred to idealize reflexes, moreover – they are shy.

With emotions, everything is exactly the opposite: they are used to seeing something divine. Excessive emotionality is considered a manifestation of fine nature, and mediocre – rudeness and callousness of character. Such stereotypes lead to the fact that people begin to believe their emotions when they come out of the banks, to the point that they entrust their future to them. This is a dangerous misconception, and you are strongly advised not to give in to it. Remember that the essence of real emotions has nothing to do with book stereotypes. Giving them power over you, you just lose control.

Do not suppress emotions, and manage them

Another reason why it is so difficult to cope with emotions is the desire to suppress them in yourself. Occupation is absolutely useless and even harmful, because it is a direct violence against himself and is fraught with nervous breakdowns. For example, it is impossible to suppress anger, it can be replaced by another emotion, but it does not depend on you, because you need to change the external stimulus. But not to let anger prevail over actions and even reverse it to favor can be quite. This is the goal: not to suppress, but to control.

In the same way, a person controls a blind element, for example, a gust of wind that can overturn a ship, and can serve as a driving force for it – it all depends on the art of the helmsman. Of course, the suppression of a gust of wind can not speak.

How can anger be useful? Anger motivates. If this motivation will spur well-thought-out and measured actions, and not a blind fit of rage, you are much more likely to succeed. In this way, you can consider any emotion: it is always not indifferent, always personal interest and incentive. The only question is how you will dispose of them: will become the owner of this valuable resource or allow to host over you.


So, the first practical advice on how to comprehend the control of emotions in psychology. Being in a tense situation, when feelings are about to rush over the edge, look at yourself from the side. Just imagine that you are a bystander and watch yourself, caught in a tense situation. The trick is that it is always more visible from the outside: look at the sports fans. They always know how to hit the goal, how to Dodge a shot, where a mistake is made, where an opportunity is missed, etc. It is easier for them, they do not run around the field for 90 minutes and do not stand in the ring for 10 rounds, they see what is happening in a favorable angle, and not like an athlete from the inside. As soon as you begin to behave rashly, your bystander will play the role of an alarming light bulb. Moreover, if you quarrel with someone, it is much easier to correctly assess the behavior of the opponent. You will not miss the provocation and will not fall for it, you will notice insincerity, flattery or falseness, you will appreciate sincerity and directness, even if it is impartial.

Take a break

Strong emotions are fickle and short-lived, they fade as suddenly as they flash. To cool the head and take emotions under control, it is enough even a small timeout. Just switch from the mode of action to the mode of analysis, take a cursory critical look at the last 5-10 minutes of his life, and everything already looks very different. And if not, then the attempt will never be superfluous: in the end, everyone needs a break.

During a heated dispute, use any occasion:

  • smoke if you smoke;
  • go to the bathroom;
  • call or answer;
  • remember an emergency;
  • want to drink;
  • any of your options if they give a pause of a couple of minutes.

Proceed from the back

This is not only a simple and effective way to quickly restore self-control and learn to keep emotions under control, but also a great exercise in the development of the skill of controlling your mind. The essence of it is as follows: if the emotion pushes you to a certain action, do the opposite. For example, if you want to tell the interlocutor rudeness, smile and compliment. If you are depressed and depressed, do anything to keep busy. If emotions demand an immediate exit, don’t give it.

By the principle of feedback you not only act depending on what you feel, but also feel what you act according to.

In some cases, you can simply ignore the stimulus: pretend that it is not, and does not respond to it. The main thing to understand is that you do not infringe on anything and do not limit yourself, only harmonize your psychological state, learn to control yourself and effectively counteract external irritating factors. When you learn, no one will be able to manipulate you, using weaknesses like pride, vanity, self-doubt and others. But to this we must strive to practice at every opportunity.

Learn to relax

The ability to relax in any conditions and situations – a valuable life skill that will save you a lot of nerves, strength and energy. Here works the same principle of feedback: nervous tension causes stress the body and relax the body and relieve tension. When you feel that you are more physically tense than usual, it means that your emotional state is also not quite normal.

Normal household stress adversely affects the heart, quickens the pulse and causes the body to use more reserves than in the normal state. The result – premature fatigue, headache, bad mood. There are also muscle spasms.

To quickly and efficiently relax in the workplace and learn to control your emotions:

  • sit comfortably, close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax your body as much as possible on exhalation;
  • imagine that you are lying on a light cloud, turn off all thoughts, stop noticing the surrounding sounds;
  • slowly, starting with the fingers of the left foot and gradually rising above, relax each part of the body, filling it with warmth and a pleasant yellow light;
  • walk through each muscle, feel and relax each one, then open your eyes and get back to work.